Some people ask me why I choose to live this way,
How can I have fun without drugs anyway?
Why am I straight edge, do you really want to know?
Well open up your virgin ears, here s how the story goes-
I got drunk two years ago at a big frat party,
Covered in puke from head to toe, and I could barely see.
I went home with who I thought was the hottest girl around,
But when I came to I couldn t walk and my penis was all brown.
What happened that night?
I m not really sure, but I know it wasn t right.
All I know is that I couldn t walk, blood was coming from my butt,
And I m never gonna drink again; I don t want anymore boyfriends.
So as you can plainly see, the only thing
My life of drinking got for me was a random act of sodomy.
So the next time you want to make fun of me,
Just remember the risk of getting your ass reamed.
Well that s it, I ve got nothing left to say,
But I d rather be straight edge than be gay.